ANTIGUA GUATEMALA

Last year we talked about going to Guatemala.  We both had to leave Mexico and return to get our new six month visa in September.  But Jennifer went to Canada to see her mother who was turning ninety (nice to know someone is older that I am) and so I went to visit my friends in San Francisco. So this year we were determine to go.  I have a friend at the gym who has made many trips to Guatemala and said he thought I would love it.  He also recommended several hotels in Antigua.  My Mexican friend Elvis said, "Oh, Larry you must not go to Guatemala".  It is too dangerous, many gangs and crime"  I told him that is exactly what my friends in The U.S. say about Mexico, so I was not deterred.  Guatemala has always been sort of a poorer step child to Mexico (sort of like what Mexico is to The U.S.)
I was to check on flights and Jennifer was going to take care of the reservations, so I gave her the names of the hotels that I had checked out.  They were both charming old colonial buildings and very cheap.  But Jennifer wanted a more luxurious vacation and decided on a two bed, two bath fully stocked house at more than twice the price.  I suspect it might have been because I snore. It did look nice so I agreed although I was already worried about what the trip was going to cost me.  I could not get a flight plan that would take us from P.V. through Mexico City to Guatemala City and the shuttle to Antigua in one day.  There was one flight, but it gave us one hour and a half to planes for an international flight.  Not possible we figured, so it meant an over night in Mexico City (more money)  We had the same problem on the return flight, so Jennifer decided we should stay two nights in order to see Mexico City.  I had not been there in almost 50 years, so I said Okay..

But I still had to book a trip from Antigua to Tikal to see the pyramids.  Jennifer was not interested in that especially when I told her it was an 8 hour bus ride each way.  My friend at the gym gave me the name and number of a driver for Antigua and he gave me the name of a guide in Tikal.  I figured I would work that out when we got there. My friend recommended an over night there, but I did not want to stay by myself in a town I did not know anything about.

A few days before our flight I decided to go back to Santandar Bank to draw out pesos from my American account, put some in my Mexican account and also I needed U.S. dollars.  For some reason our hosts wanted dollars for the house and so did the driver.  After pulling out a bunch of cash from my U.S. account I went in the bank to deposit more in my Mexican account.  I thought it might be easier and safer to use that when in Guatemala.  No teller speaks a word of English and though it is obvious I do not understand a word they way they continue to prattle on in rapid fire Spanish.  He carefully inspected each peso I was depositing.  After that was complete I told him I wanted to purchase U.S. dollars.  With a  quizzical face he asked for my passport.  WHY??  I was taking out less than I had just deposited, but after my last losing battle with the bank I decided to return home to get my passport.   I gave it to him and pushed across what I thought was sufficient pesos for the dollars I needed.  He pushed it back and said something.  Luckily the man next to me told me he wanted to take it out of my account.  Okay, so I gave him my card.  The dollars were in his drawer, but it still seemed to take forever while I signed multiple papers.

But then I had to deposit more pesos to cover what he had taken out.  Not trusting what my credits and debits showed, I wanted a copy of my statement.  He sent me to another lady and after handing her my card and passport she produced a statement.  It was correct.  I was elated and left the bank, but had to stop at the store for some groceries.  After unloading the groceries I began pulling cash (both pesos and dollars) out of my gym shorts.  NO BANK CARD!  Panicked I went back to the store. They had no card.  So for a third time I marched to the bank.  Mind you this was one of the hottest most humid days we have had.  I went to the desk where I had last used my card and she was gone.  I found the manager (the only one in the bank who speaks any English).  I told him my sad tale and he said she was at lunch.  I tried to impress upon him the urgency of my request so he went to the lunch room to find her.  He came out and said she had given the card back to me.  I had just put all that money for my trip into an account I could no longer access.  How long to get a new card?  A least a week he said.  I was about to fall apart when I man walked into the bank and over to the manager and handed him a card he found outside..  It was mine!  This was just the beginning of the trip.

The flight to Mexico City was short and uneventful.  Since we booked separately, Jennifer was in the front and I was in the back.  The plane landed a long ways from the terminal. They said there were no gates available.  Okay, that happens and we waited for a bus to take us to the terminal.  Finally people started to move and then it stopped.  We all stood there waiting, but nothing moved. Finally someone translated for me that they said they had no more buses and we had to wait.  I was on the plane on the tarmac for longer that the entire flight.  How could they have no buses in an airport as large as Mexico City??  Jennifer who had gotten off first was panicky wondering what had happened to me. At last I joined her and we hailed a cab for our hotel.  He had never heard of it, but luckily Jennifer had the telephone number.  The driver called and got directions.

The hotel was listed as an Airport Hotel, but turned out to be 20 minutes away in a run down industrial area.  As the driver weaved through smaller and smaller alleys of nothing but closed garage doors, I turned to Jennifer and said,  "This does not look promising"  He finally arrived at the back of the hotel so we had to enter through the parking garage.  The hotel turned out to be very nice but not a good location.  It was a convention hotel, very well appointed, very clean with a nice dinning room. Fortunately for I would not step outside at night in that neighborhood without an armed guard.  There was no coffee pot, but coffee was available in the lobby.   However since there was no smoking anywhere in the hotel I went outside and sat on a bench to drink and smoke.

The next day we flew to Guatemala City where our driver met us with sign with both our names on it.  She was very nice and spoke some English and explained a lot about Antigua on our way in (about an hours drive).  The house was a really cute little casa.  There was a small court yard entry with heavy wood doors onto the street.  Not really little as it was a tri level with two bedrooms and two and a half baths.  It was fully stocked with everything we needed so we could cook breakfast and dinner thus saving money.  It also had a washer and dryer which I really liked. The house had a wonderful roof top deck with a view of the three volcanoes.  (Well on the one morning when the clouds lifted above the volcanoes).  One wonders why the Spaniards decided to built the capital of Guatemala in a valley surrounded by three volcanoes. One is still active periodically spewing flames into the sky.  It was not the volcanoes that destroyed the city, but an earthquake in 1773 that leveled the town.  So the capital was moved to what in now Guatemala City.  Parts of the ruins of the 16th Century churches are still visible.  It was slowly rebuilt mostly of one story colonial houses.  Except for the churches which are huge and very baroque.

It is a very walk able  town with lots of parks and plazas.  A very beautiful place.   Antigua is more expensive that Vallarta.  Drinks and food is almost twice the price.  Why? I wondered.  Most mornings I went out while Jennifer worked on her computer.  She is a contract writer for several companies and had to product a certain amount of writing a day.  My first day I came upon a market spread out in the street in front of the facade of a ruined church.  It is mostly textiles for which Guatemalan are famous for.  I was going to bring Jennifer back as she was more interested in the textiles than I am.  But I did buy an oil painting of the arch with the volcano in the back ground.  It was only about $12.00.  Why are drinks so expensive?  Unfortunately for Jennifer the market is only there on Saturday and Sunday so she missed it, but still bought a ton of stuff in other stores.  I heard there was a beautiful garden nor too far from us.  (You know how I love plants).  It was like a mini botanical garden with orchids and gorgeous hanging vines,  It had a little cafe where I had lunch.
The number of scooters and motor bikes was amazing.  I have not seen so many since Rome.  But with the tiny streets, they only allowed parking on one side.  Some streets had no parking at all and there are no parking lots or under ground garages, so cars are limited.

We found a bar just off the main square that we liked and went back several times.  The bar tender flirted with Jennifer after asking if we were married.  I thought that was a little insulting to Jennifer since I look more like her grandfather.  In any case he got no where.  Our favorite restaurant was a pizza place we chose mainly because we could smoke in the patio.  It was the best pizza I have ever had and Jennifer who lived many years in Italy agreed (with a possible exception in Italy).  It was a thin crust covered with Parmesan and then fresh thin sliced ham, arugula, and large peels of Parmesan cheese.   We bought two of them. Two nights Jennifer cooked pasta with what was already in the kitchen.  I was too exhausted and sick from my trip to Tikal.

One square with arches over a water basin is where the early inhabitants got their water.  There are a series of basins where women still wash their clothes.  The main cathedral on the square still had remains  of the original church which you could visit.  While I was in Tikal Jennifer visited a convent which had rooms set up as there were hundreds of years ago for the nuns.  Antigua is a beautiful city with narrow cobble stone streets.  It is not as elegant as San Miguel de Allende which must have been a much more prosperous city in the 18th and 19th century, but it is very charming.  Because of my ordeal in Tikal, I was unable to see as much as I would have liked to.  Maybe I will go back at Easter when they have processions of flower carpeted floats with life size statues that are carried through the streets.  This is much to long already, so I will write about Tikal and Mexico City later  (when I feel like it)

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BANCO SANTANDER

When I arrived here seven years ago, my friend Richard told me not to use the many ATM's along Calle B. Badillo or Restaurant Row.  They were not good or safe, but to cross the river to Banco Santander.  After a few years of doing that I thought I should open an account in Mexico.  That way if I ever had to use a credit card (debit card) and it was compromised they could not get to the cash in my American Bank (not that there is much there either).  It was a horrible ordeal to open an account and took hours and a couple of trips.  I knew they would want a pass port, but an electric bill?  Everyone wants a copy of your electric even though it is not in my name.

As it happens, I never have an occasion to use a charge card here.  Most places do not take them (even a Mexican one),  Basically I forgot about the account. Years later I thought to check and see how much was in it.  You never get any statements here.  They would not get through the mail anyway.  I found that the account was locked.  I went in the bank and after waiting for an hour was told that the account was inactive and therefore blocked.  In order to unblock it I had to go home and bring in my passport,   As I recall this took a fair amount of time, but it was finally done.  After that I decided to occasionally pull money out or make a deposit.  Every thing was fine.

In a few weeks I am off to Guatemala so for months I have been adding deposits every month and not taking any out.  Thank God I had to foresight to make sure it was okay.  (It really wasn't foresight, it was because I have lived in Mexico)  Also, I had tried to buy tickets to the Frida Kahlo museum in Mexico City and the card was turned down.  Sure enough the account was "restricted"  Again I went in the bank to complain.  First the teller looked at the card and shoved it back at me.  I shoved it back to her and complained (not that it does any good here)  She pointed a woman seated at a desk across the room.
I stood patiently for about 20 or 30 minutes  before she acknowledged me.  I told her of my problem. She kept looking at the card and turning it over as if she could spot the problem.  Finally the manager came over (who does speak English) and told me she would escort me out to the ATM kiosk.  Of course it said "Restricted" just as I had been telling them.  The manager took over and told me I needed to bring in my passport.

The following day I returned with my passport and a copy of it.  I remembered the hassle Noriko and I had trying to cash her U.S. dollars into pesos.  Again I waited for the manager.  He greeted  me and took me to another desk and a woman who spoke no English.  She kept typing something on her computer and occasionally spoke to someone on the phone.  It seemed like an hour, but probably not quite that long and nothing was happening.  I told her I would be back later and she said "Uno momento"  (that can be an interminable amount of time here).  Finally the manager strode by and I asked him if I could come back later.  All they have to do is strike a couple of codes on the computer. Right?   After speaking to the no English woman, he turned to me and said that they may wish to speak to me.  WHO??  I have the card, I know the pin number, they have my passport and I had the receipt from my last deposit.  What is the problem?   With a perfectly straight face he said,  "They may decide it is easier just to issue you a new card"  ARE THEY JOKING??   How long would it take?  He said, "Maybe a week"   Well I have lived here long enough to know what that can mean, so I insisted they unblock my account.  I wanted the card for the trip to Guatemala.  I then asked him if I had to make a charge or withdrawal every month.  He said "Yes or the account is deemed inactive and is frozen"  Even if I am making deposits every month.  YES!  Does this make any sense to you?  BUT IT'S MEXICO !

The woman continued typing on her computer with the phone in her ear.  I knew whatever she was typing had nothing to do with me.  She would pick up a file, put in a couple things in the computer then write something on it and turn it over on the other side of her desk.  Finally she motioned me to get up and follow her.  She asked if I knew my PIN number.  Of course I do, how stupid does she think I am.  (Do not go there!)  Sure enough it worked, but the balance was at least 1,000 less than what I thought should be in the account.  I asked her if I could get a statement.  She either did not understand or did not want to answer.  I said,  "I need to know what the debits and credits are to this account"  She looked at me like I was asking for the code to the bank vault walked away.  I did not want to reenter the bank again that day.  Maybe Never !


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UN CELULAR NUEVO

Technically it was not a "new" cell phone as Saul bought it for me on the internet for less than $70.00.  Was it stolen?  Maybe,  but it did come in it's original box (minus the instructions)  Of course the instructions would have been in Spanish and I have trouble following instructions in English.   I think I was about the only person in Vallarta who did not have a smart phone (that includes  7 and 8 year old kids as well).  Well, there is Jennifer who refused to have a phone of any kind even though her TelMex internet service comes with a free phone line.

I had resisted it for two reasons.  One I did not want to pay another phone company for service I would rarely use, and two: I was not sure I would ever learn how to operate one (that point still remains a question).  I would see people pecking at them or flipping it up down and sideways in a manner that completely confused me.  Then one night Saul (my major fix it man and friend) was showing me photos on his cell phone   I will not tell you what of, but you would not want them on your phone (or maybe you would)  I commented that the cell phone takes better photos than my camera.  When he told me what he paid for it I was amazed.  Then I asked what his service bill was and he said 100 pesos a month.  I was astonished and he said that included not only unlimited calls but internet as well.  My cheap Mexican phone (it is called a dumb phone here) has a volume so low that I had a terrible time understanding what any one was saying.  (my hearing problems are getting worse).  He showed me that I could almost hear what was being said across the table.  He then told me that I could take the SIM card out of my old phone and insert it so I would have the same number and all my contacts would appear.  How could I resist any longer?  So I told him when he found another one on the internet to call me.

A few days later my buzzer rang and there was Saul holding out the package, then saying he must run to catch the bus to Tuito and was gone.  I took it out and decided to charge it.  But the phone said it was 96% charged already.  Okay, so how do we turn it on?  Saul said he would be back at 4:00.  At 9:30 that night my door bell rang and of course, it was Saul.  I had not even paid him for it as he ran off so fast.  He took the SIM card out of my old phone and tried to insert it in the new one.  (I have no idea what SIM stands for but it is a tiny piece of card board with a brass chip attached)  It would not fit.  He said I had an old fashioned card and we must go to Telcel to get it exchanged.  This was just the beginning of my problems.

At the Telcel store the guy merely cut down my SIM card and it fit.  He also switched it to English (not that it has been much help to me anyway).  But as far as the 100 peso a month plan, I did not qualify as I was already a Telcel user.  Does that make any sense to you?  Also the plan is actually for 33 days instead of one month.  HEY, IT IS MEXICO !  He said I could continue just buying more time at any OXXO store like I have before.  That was fine with me as I rarely use more than 100 pesos a month anyway.

We went back to my place (Saul insisted I turn on my airconditioner) and he did manage to hook it up with the wifi modem I have for the computer.  But when I tried to get Google Crome, it asked for my account number.  What account number?  All computers just come with Google (don't they?)  I tried to put in a password that I use for almost everything.  That is when I discovered that I cannot hit the right number or key.  The one next to it always pops up.  Then when I had almost completed it, the entire thing would disappear.  I gave up.  He showed me where my Contacts were, but by then I was tired.   He also adjusted the sound.  He said I could have any kind of ring I wanted and I said, "Just make it loud"  I should have had him call me on it, but we were both tired.

The next morning Richard called me.  My phone was ringing and it said "Richard" but I had no idea how to answer it.  I pressed everything on the screen and it kept ringing until he hung up.  There was a ringing spot in the middle of the screen, but nothing happened.  I must get my computer guru over here to help me.  Since I had such a problem hearing on the dumb phone, 80% of my correspondence was by text messaging.  It is essential with my Spanish speaking friends.  I may not be able to understand a word they say, but when I see it written, I can usually figure it out.  Where is messaging on the phone?  One day it beeped so I know it was an incoming message, but no clue how to find it.  I was about to pull the SIM card out and put it back in my old phone.  But then would it fit?

By now you must be thinking "how dumb can this guy be?"   You must understand that I was middle aged before computer came into common usage,  You are also probably much younger than I am (Hell, almost everyone is) and your parents gave you some kind of computer while you were still in your baby crib, so Give me a Break!  I am old.  This is hard for me.  Okay!

I had to wait a day to call my computer guy because it was Sunday.  He is one of the brightest people I have met, but he does love to get drunk.  Especially Saturday night so I knew he was either passed out or getting drunk in a bar.  At least he is a happy drunk, not a mean one like Martin.  So Monday morning I tried to call.  I would get a mechanized voice that said something, but I had no idea what she was trying to tell me.  Was his line busy, out of order, or wrong number.  Finally I remembered that I had his email address.  I missed his first message when he said he would be there at 5:30 so he later said 12:30 the following day.

In the meanwhile my phone said the battery needed charging.  I plugged it in, but nothing happened. When I got the phone the battery was 96% charged.  What happened since I still cannot use it?  So I plugged it in again and NOTHING!  Either the cord is faulty or the battery.  So before he got here I had to go to Telcel.  I had been plugging it into the computer for that is the cord that it came with.  When I was packaging it all up to take it to Telcel I noticed there was also a plug connection.  I plugged it into the wall and VOILA ! it began to charge.  Who knew?  (Look, I know what you are thinking.  DO NOT GO THERE!)

I spent two hours with my computer guy.  Not all of that time on the phone as I also needed him to do some things on my computer (like getting the printer to work again).  There is so much to learn and my brain is very old, plus the loss of all those brain cells from years of booze and drugs.  It will certainly take some time and practice.  The worst part is trying to type as the wrong letter or number keeps popping up.  Some of it really seems dumb to me.  When the phone rings and that spot in the middle keeps vibrating, you do not press anything, he said to swipe the entire screen to the right.  Why doesn't it say so or better yet why not have a green button that says "answer"?  Also to just hold the screen open you have to swipe it.  Who came up with all this anyway?  Oh, he told me that the cord to the computer should charge the battery.  He said I must not have connected it properly (definitely as possibility)  Since then I have had the same problem even when plugged into the wall socket.  If I suck on the end of the cord before sticking in the phone, it works.  It must be something about Mexican wiring as I have the same problem with the night light in my bathroom.  I have to wet the plug before inserting it to get the light to go on.

Obviously I will have to spend a lot of time with my new phone, then call my guy after a week or so for more answers.  The following day I got a call.  That stupid circle kept pulsating and I swiped and swiped until they hung up,  It was a number I did not know and all the caller ID said was  "Mexico"  Does that mean Mexico City or that the call came from somewhere in Mexico.  I ignored it.  Then I found out that swiping does not work on this phone. It may on some, but not mine.  When not in use it shuts down to save on the battery.  You have to turn it back on to answer the phone  Then a bar pops up that you have to press  Well, it really does not like to be pressed, you have to tap it (ever so lightly)  You may have guessed this in not an Iphone.  This is going to take me a while.  Maybe the rest of my life.

The next morning I was determined to work with the phone and learn how to operate the stupid thing (Yes, I know it is not the phone that is stupid)  It was dead.  I could not charge the battery and it was a Sunday so unable to go to the Telcel store.  I left it plugged in all day and the battery was still zero.  Monday I went early only to find they do not open until 11:00.  When I went back, he asked how old the phone was.  Of course I do not know, but was not going to tell him I bought a stolen phone.  I said, I could not remember.  He said the batteries are only good for 2 or 3 years.  He  brought out a new battery plus he said I needed a crystal cover plus a protector.  That came to 460 pesos.  I went home to plug in the phone and NOTHING!!  I went back and he said maybe the cord got wet, with the humidity.  I was not going to tell him I had been sucking on the end of the cord (maybe that was not such a good idea).  He sold me a new plug for 150 pesos.  It did not work, so I went back AGAIN!  He gave me a new more powerful cord connection "Gratis"  Hell, I had already spent over 600 pesos with him that morning.  I plugged in my new cord into the phone (making sure the power was off first).  I then watched the battery go from 56% down to zero in about one hour (mind you the power is off)  I went back and he wanted to sell me a new super cord for 550 pesos.  I declined and called Saul.

Saul was upset as well, but not admitting any fault.  He says the first Telcel guy that He took me to must have switched out the original battery for a cheap Chinese one.  I told him that this was a new battery I had just bought as well as a new cable and still the phone zaps up any power left.  I had gone to a different Telcel store down the street as Saul's guy spoke no English.  We went first to see my guy, Saul ranted and screamed (I have no idea what was being said but the Telcel guy did not like it) Then we went to his Telcel guy (whom he thinks swicthed out the battery and he screamed, and cursed and treated to call the police).  Nothing happened and Saul said he had spent too much time already on it and without the original battery his guy would not take it back.  Left with no other choices I went back (5 trips today) and bought the 550 peso charger.  It worked like a charm and within a few hours the battery was fully charged and it worked fine.  But the following morning even with the power off, the battery had gone down to zero.   I plugged it in and placed it on a table.  Morning is kitty's play time.  She thought it was a new toy, pulled on the cord and the phone crashed to the tile floor smashing the crystal. (so much for the protective cover)

It is now dead.  My only hope is that I can get the SIM card back into my dumb phone.  \
MORAL:   If you buy on the cheap, it will cost you in the long run.


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LA TEMPORADA LLUVIOSA (THE RAINY SEASON)

Normally (what's normal in Mexico?) the rainy season begins in mid May.  This year it was the end of June before we had a good storm.  The weather report had predicted thunder storms for weeks, but all we had were cloudy skies and some sprinkles.  Summer came late too.  Even toward the end of June it was not that hot, although the humidity was from 90 to 100%.  Still I seldom had to use my air conditioner at night.  We had overcast skies and some cool breezes.

It was a Sunday when the first storm hit.  Jennifer and I had planned on a beach day, but the weather report said 90% chance of rain.  It was a cloudy misty morning, but then the sun came out.  Too late to arrange a beach day.  I had about given up on the rain and was headed to bed when suddenly it started to pour around 10:00.  Of course I had to pour myself another Scotch to sit up under my cabana and watch the rain, thunder and lightning.  (was that my third or fourth Scotch?  I do not remember)  It rained every night after that (from 2 to 5 inches).


My street flooded almost immediately, mainly because the priest of my church had decided he wanted a raised walk way from his house across the street from the church.  He closed the street to all traffic for two days, while pouring the concrete.  Did he get a permit to close the street and pour concrete over the hand laid cobble stones?  (probably not!)  This priest seems to do what ever he wants.  Last year he decided he wanted a little park out side the church.  He created it in the street eliminating parking and causing problems for traffic.  His walk way forms a lake that fills the entire intersection.  There is no way to cross the street except on his little walk way.   Bur often a car will park across the walk, making it impossible to cross the street.   I feel sorry for the guy who has his stand for making churros on the corner.  He now has to stand in the water while frying them.  Churros are deep fried dough in lard covered in sugar and cinnamon.  (not a calorie in a carload)  They are sort of like long skinny donuts  Did the priest do it to keep his robe clean and dry?  He does nothing for the poor and homeless.  I am sure he hates all non Catholics, and atheists (like myself) but he does love that church.  Besides his new walk way he has added huge slabs or marble flooring and fourteen new stain glass windows depicting Christ and various saints.  Besides Christ on the front of the church the side window facing me is Saint Veronica (who in the Hell was she? or maybe who in Heaven is she?)

All winter the river continue to dry up leaving just a trickle of water.  The rains start in the mountains so the river began to rise long before the storm hit here.  It turns a mild chocolate color with all the mud from the mountains.  Where the river meets the sea there is a huge brown cloud.  I always go way south when I go to the beach to avoid the river and all the drainage ditches.  I never go in the water anyway, but I have been warned against it during the rainy season.  It isn't just mud that flows into the sea, but all the garbage and debris in the streets washes straight out to sea,  It almost exclusively rains at night, so in the morning the streets are almost dry (well except for the lake created by the priest)  So I can go to the gym, or do my shopping and not worry about the rain.  I do not go out in a down pour.  I am not afraid of getting wet, but crossing the cobble stone streets is hazardous when dry, let along under several inches or water.

I love the rain for many reasons.  The most obvious is that I do not have to water all of my 36 potted plants, but it also washes down my deck.  During the long dry winter I hose the deck down twice a week at least and every Tuesday (when the taco stand is closed)  I hose the balcony.  My water bill during the winter exceeds my electric bill.  One of the nicest things is that it cuts down on the dust.  All winter a black dust covers everything.   One would think I lived next to a coal mine.  I am not sure if it is the exhaust from the cars, trucks, and buses, or from chewed up tires from driving on cobble stones and pot holes.  But now there is very little of it and I love that.  Best of all is sitting up under my cabana and watch the water pour off my asbestos roof.  Yes, it is asbestos.  One day a visitor reached up and touched it and screamed,  "My God, it is asbestos!"  I replied,  "Well try to resist your urge to lick it"  I can sit there while the rain falls like a water fall and see my beautiful garden and then the wonderful light and sound show.  Sometimes the lightning comes so fast it looks like strobe lights.  Occasionally the lightning is so close I can hear the crack immediately followed by a huge thunder clap.  What fun!

Kitty is  not so found of the rain.  She comes in screaming looking up at my with those big blue eyes She seems to think I can turn it off.  Oddly, the thunder and lightning do not bother her at all.  She will be curled up asleep and not even open one eye ball.  She just does not like to get wet. I used to lock her up on the terrace where she is safe and dry with nice cushioned chairs to sleep in.   She is not so fond of that anymore for she can no longer get off my terrace.  She used to cross to the neighbors terrace and go down their outside staircase to the balcony railing which wraps around the corner.  But I have a new neighbor with a huge dog.  He looks like a wolf and barks with his elbows on the railing.  Kitty is fierce, but no match for that dog.  I intend to drop a few hints to our landlord.  He is a sweet dog, but I think they must chain him on the roof sometimes.  I can hear him howling.  Why would he be up there, if he could get under cover?  The place is a pig sty as well.  I have made a bed for kitty with some of my old sweaty T shirts, but she will have nothing to do with it.  Kitty wants to be where ever she wants to be and to Hell with what I want.  One night I could not get her to go down stairs.  I kept coaxing her with opening and closing the door.  She just played with the door putting her paws under it.  I finally gave up and left her there.  The next morning I opened the patio door and then went down to fix her breakfast.  She did not appear.  I went back up and heard her mewing but could not see her.  I thought maybe she was on the roof, or at the neighbors, but the sound was coming from the floor.  I found her trapped under an equipali chair.  They are very heavy.  How in the world could she lift one and get under it?  I still have no explanation.

If this story sounds familiar to you, you would be correct.  It was not until I had almost finish it that I had the same impression.  Sure enough I wrote a story about the rain about one year ago.  Well, what can I tell you.  I am very old and we intend to repeat ourselves.   Besides I was not going to let all my work be wasted and I have nothing else to write about.  So here it is.  Enjoy!


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LAS HACIENDAS Y LOS CONDOMINIOS

The old Hacienda Restaurant was located across the street from my present apartment.  I had visited it a couple of times shortly after I arrived in Vallarta.  It had the most beautiful garden patio, but the food was not good and the service was worse.  It was only open until 2:00 pm so basically it was just breakfast.  The waiters seemed to adapt the attitude of the owner or manager.  He had a permanent sneer on his face so instead looking like he was happy to see you; it looked like he was thinking "why are you here?"  After I did move across the street, I never went back.  I was not surprised when it closed.  Then a large For Sale sign went up and I feared what might happen to the lovely old building.  Sure enough a few months later I saw a construction crew ripping off the roof.  I thought "Oh No! is it going to be another concrete high rise?  I loved that it was a one story building and I have no one behind me, giving me almost total privacy on my deck.

I immediately went across the street and found the foreman who luckily spoke a little English (although I did begin in Spanish).  He said they were just during a remodel as it would be another restaurant that would be open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He assured me it would remain a one story although they were raising the ceiling in a few areas.  I was very happy and anxious to try the new restaurant.  But construction went on for a year.  The noise and dust were awful, but they did a beautiful job and spent so much money on it, I wonder if it is "laundry money"  Since they finished so late, it did not open until the following winter season.  I was there the second day it was open.  It has a great menu and the food was good, but alas the service was terrible.  It is such a gorgeous place I was hoping that it was just because they had just opened.  Sadly, NO!  They just cannot seem to get their act together or maybe it really is drug money and they do not care.  Still I am very happy not to have one of those awful concrete structures there.

Unlike San Miguel who has preserved its beautiful old colonial buildings, Vallarta seems intend on tearing them all down.  They are going to destroy the charm of the city that brings tourists here.  You might think "how dumb" (which it is) but the main culprit was the old mayor.  He issued over 500 building permits during his six years, including 20 permits for high rise condominiums just on my side of the river.  This area named the "romantic zone" is only about 12 by 14 blocks.  Way too many for a small area. Why? you might ask.  Simple, For the Money.  He also granted a horribly expensive trash collection contract.  Not only was the trash collection spotty and messy, it was bankrupting the city.  When the new mayor took over, he found the treasury empty.  What happened to this crook?  Oh he went to Mexico City where they made him finance manager.  Who knows more about money that he does.  Yes! It is Mexico!  The new mayor had to lay off half the police force and a lot of the City employees just to pay the horrendous trash collection contract.   Somehow he got out of it and now the City does its own collection and it is much better (although it is still the one thing I dislike most about Vallarta).  He is a good guy and has started up neighborhood committees that are making lots of improvements.

But the ugly condominiums keep popping up.  There is not only a tall skinny one on my street but around the corner a huge complex is going up.  Why?  We are five or six blocks to the beach?  The real estate market has tanked because there are now hundreds of new condo for sale.  I think that 90% are still empty.  Thank God because I am sure no one figured out what replacing a one family home with 20 or 40 units will do to the infrastructure.  What about the sewage, garbage and the additional traffic and cars?   There are already two huge empty buildings that I know of that have been empty since they were built ten years ago.  The worst is that awful eight story building on Plaza Cardenas at the end of my street.  It looks across the park to the ocean but is now falling apart.  Some balconies are collapsing onto each other.  No one knows why it just sits there.  A block from me is another two or three story white building, occupying half a block.  Several bars have opened on the corner unit (never lasting one season) but all the apartments are empty.  They just build a strange concrete tower on top of it.  Why ??

This post was started almost two year ago.  I never finished it because first the construction took so long and then with the loss of two computers and my camera, all the photos I had taken were gone and I was just too lazy to go out and retake them.  I now have a small collection of these ugly high rises.  They are all the same, just a concrete monolith.  Why couldn't they add a little brick and red tiles or something?  Also the construction varies.  The skinny one down my street and the huge one around the corner were constructed of concrete blocks and cement that was mixed in the street and hauled up one bucket at a time you can see the scaffolding is just wood..  How solid can that be?  Some near the ocean are steel beams and they actually have cement mixer pouring in the concrete. But this steel tower's foundation was built in a lake.  They reach the water level about ten feet down. It is sad how all the old haciendas are being torn down.  There was a gorgeous white marble one on Badillo that is now gone,  I went into the sales office and took a photo of the model for the building.  It looks like a stack of ice trays.

It is so sad what greed is doing to this town.  There are still a few lovely old haciendas so I took photos of some near me.  Even with the poor service I do go to the new Hacienda Carlotta for it is convenient for me.  They did a great job on the old building, but it lacks a lot of plants.  Luckily they managed to save some of the large flowering trees.  I spoke to the manager and told him that for $50 to $100.00 I could turn it into a tropical paradise, but he wasn't interested.  Mexico ???

EL TRES DE MAYO

Everyone (at least in California)  knows the 5th of May or Cinco de Mayo.  A major Mexican holiday!  Well No! Actually it is not.  Basically it is ignored my the Mexican.   The infamous Hussongs Bar in Ensenada created the holiday in order to attract tourist during the off season.  Many came in their yachts and the Cinco de Mayo Yacht race was begun.  Hundreds of ships race from Newport Beach to Ensenada every year.  But outside of Ensenada the date means very little..  It was the date of a victory for Mexico during the war against the occupying France, but basically ignored.

Now the 3rd of  May is the biggest day of the year in my little neighborhood.  It is called the May Festival even though most of it takes place in April, but the finally is on May 3rd.  It is basically a celebration of the founding of the Santa Cruz church across from me.   For about two weeks my street is closed to traffic.  Carnival rides and booths are set up in the street and run from my block to the river.  Directly under my balcony they set up a stage where for 10 or 12 days people perform, some singers, mostly dancers.  The cross streets are open until evening when they are closed to put up hundreds of folding chairs in the intersection.  I counted over 300 chairs and many nights there were as many more standing.  I, of course have the best seats in town.  I could sell tickets.

Instead I give a party every 3rd of May.  It cannot be as big as my former annual cocktail party for everyone will crowd around the upstairs railing.  Also I have no help on that night and I am lazy.  I had always hoped my bar tender friend Felipe could come and bring his wife and five year old boy, but he always seems to work on the 3rd.  Expecting his family, I asked Richard not to invite his neighbors who have been here the past three years.  Then Jennifer told me that her best friend Rikki wanted to bring her family as she had enjoyed it so much the year before.  This would bring the total up to twelve.  I was not happy but what could I do.

Although the 3rd is the Grand Fiesta, every night there were dancers, singers and bands playing.  So a couple of nights I invited a few friends to watch the show.  The groups came from all over Mexico and South America.  Peru, Chili and Argentina sent dance groups.  The schedule said the first group would be from 8:30 to 9:30 and the second group from 9:30 to 10:30.  This meant that for the most part the loud music was over by around 11:00.  The sound is deafening as they set up speakers as big as a Volkswagen with two groups of three tweeters hanging from a scaffolding.   The stage consists of 4 x 4 squares of plywood set in metal frames.  Being Mexico, the first night two of the platforms collapsed leaving gaping holes in the dance floor.  Somehow the dancers managed to move around them with no one falling in.

Some dance groups were better than others, but all had fantastic costumes.  The dancers are not paid a dime, but sponsors pay for their lodging and every night they serve them dinner after the show on tables set up in front of the church.  Sponsors are local companies and wealthy patrons of the church and the church charges 5,000 pesos for space for each carnival ride and for the booths.  Since they are all set up on city streets, one wonders why the church gets the money.  They also plead each night for donations from the audience.  So even though the show must cost thousands to put on, the church makes money on it (of course).

One night Jennifer was coming over to watch the show and asked if she could bring a friend.  Sure, why not.  She brought wine, he did not.  I had set out cheese and crackers and after he had devoured most of the cheese, he announced that this was not enough for him so he would have to go out and buy a taco or torta.  Fine with me, I was glad to be rid of him.  I thought he was a dork. But, he returned and asked if we did this every night.  I told him the show goes on every night, but I plan on being gone.  Then he announced that he would have to leave early as he had to catch the last bus to Mismaloya.  Good !  I told him to just slam the door so it locks when he leaves.  As he opened the door he not only found the threshold blocked by costumes, but a girl was standing there in her bra and panties.  He closed the door not knowing what to do.  I told him to just open the door and push pass her, trying not to step on her costumes.  I said, "Dancers are not ashamed or their bodies and not to worry."  He did.

The problem with the dressing room even though quite large could not accommodate two groups at once or many nights the dancers laid their costumes on the sidewalk and changed in the street.  Also some nights they had tables and chairs set up in the dressing room as well as a large bottle of water and plastic glasses, but not every night.  Those elaborate costumes are just lying on the dirty cobble stones.   You never know what you will get in Mexico.  I loved the show every night, even with all the loud music and stomping dancers.  It is so colorful.  This year they did not invite the group of Indian dancers who wore only a g-string.  I think the priest must have thought it was not good family entertainment.  We have conservatives even in Mexico.

The night before my big party Richard called to say they were not coming and I never heard from Felipe.  This brought my party down from 12 to 7.  Fine with me.  Rikki's family consists of her real son Chris and her adopted Mexican boy, who thinks he is a girl and sometimes dresses as one (though not very successfully).  Nikki arrived alone with some guacamole  and four cans of beer.  Jennifer arrived with Brad, and two bottles of red, but he and his partner had had a fight and John flew back to Canada even though they were scheduled to fly out the following day for several weeks in Jamaica.  Brad is a nice guy but was not in a festive mood.  Rikki said her other kids would come later.

Chris arrived with a girl friend with no food or beverages.  I asked what they would like to drink and he looked at the red wine and said, "that will do"  With four people drinking red wine, I knew it would not last.  I have my own white wine.   We were all settled upstairs waiting for the show to start when Chris explained that his girl friend was spending a year traveling with her mother and her mother's boy friend.  Next stop was to be Cancun. According to Chris she had just left her home and husband in Paris and was getting a divorce. So mother was taking her around the world.  Wouldn't it be nice to invite them!  I was so taken back that all I could think to say was,  "I only bought two pizzas"  He said, not to worry as they didn't need food.  (Okay, but what are they going to drink?)  Since so many people had cancelled or flaked out, two more would not have mattered that much.  But I would rather have people I knew, or at least might see again.  Reluctantly I said,  "Sure, why not?"  I am not a good poker player and I am sure he read my face and what I was thinking.  He did call them, but apparently the mother doesn't like to walk far and no cab could get near my house that night so they declined.  Rikki's adopted son also never showed.  Maybe he could not decide how to dress for the occasion.  Chris' girl friend was  pretty I guess.  She was tall and thin and had that elegant demeanor that the privileged always seem to have.  She said almost nothing and spent most of the time on a stool I set up next to the railing.  I had the feeling she thought she was slumming and we should be gracious just for her presence.  I was not !

In late afternoon they set up the four story fireworks display.  They call it the Castillo de Fuego (Castle of Fire).  It is an amazing sight.   The stage was set up as an altar where the priest would give mass.  There was cross behind him and a half naked Jesus next to him.  He even went into the masses to hand out the bread crumbs or what ever they are.  Also the choir sang and they are really good.  I love to listen to them.  The dancers were also quite good, costumes amazing but the show was running an hour late.  Nothing happens here on time.  There is a good reason so few Mexicans wear a watch.  They do not care what time it is.  Jennifer realized the problem with the wine and went across the street to the tienda to buy another bottle.  She stopped by me to tell me she was so upset she could hardly contain herself.  I told her not to worry about even though she blamed herself for all the guests were friends of hers.  I told her it is one night in my 80 years that will be forgotten tomorrow and it will not happen again, so forget it.  She did not and stewed all night.  Chris picked up the last empty bottle of wine and looked around.  I said, "Oh is that the bottle Jennifer just bought from the tienda?:  He got the point and went to buy another one.

Jennifer never goes anywhere without her chihuahua ,  Pili is a sweet cute little dog that is very well behaved and rarely barks (except at small fluffy white dogs)  I think she is afraid they are prettier than she is. .  But she is terrified of loud noises.  Jennifer arrived after the last of the 7:30 bells.  During the festival they first fire off cannons, then send four little boys up to the bell tower where each of them had a ball banging the four huge bells, but the noise is awful.  It was Pili's first May Festival and she was not prepared for the constant noise and stomping.   Jennifer was so upset she wanted to leave before the fireworks began, but I convinced her to stay.  She had to sit under the palapa with Pili in her arms but could still see the fantastic display.  The tower actually revolves and then at the end the top shoots up into the sky with lots of bursting fireworks.  It is a show you would not believe.

The show did not end until after midnight and while everyone was leaving I convinced Jennifer to stay for one more tequila  while it was quiet and we could talk.  I hope she does not say anything to Rikki as I like her and the kids are just kids.  I am done with all my parties.  Jennifer and I will have quiet dinners with maybe some of my snow bird friends, but that is all.  She decided it was too late to catch a cab and stayed over night.  Just another ordinary evening at Casa Laguna Lary.

COVERSANDO EN UN PAIS EXTRAJERO

My dear friend Kyl said that when you move to a foreign country, communicating  is just the first barrier.  Maybe, but it is a big one.  I took Spanish lessons in classes, then I tried a private tutor, but my Spanish is still awful.  What compounds it is my hearing is also terrible.  Oh sure, I certainly hear noises, and that is part of the problem.  When there is any kind of back ground noise (music or people talking too loud)  I have trouble understanding anything.  Also in my ear, "P's, D's and T.'s all sound alike.  This causes problems in English, let alone a foreign language.  Oddly enough I do speak and understand some French.  One would think that would make learning Spanish easier, but it does not.  Yes, the grammar is the same (pronouns precede and adjectives follow) and many words are recognizable to me because the spelling is similar in Spanish and French.  The pronunciation is a whole different thing. My pronunciation is terrible.  Often when we get into a taxi, I will give the driver instructions in Spanish.  He will stare at me as if I am speaking in Farsi.  Jennifer will repeat exactly what I said, but in her near perfect accent and off we go.

I further complicate the issue by not having a 'smart phone"  I still struggle along with a cheap Mexican phone.  It is not just the cost (Yes, I am cheap)  I just do not think I could ever learn how to use one.  I can barely manipulate the computer and I have had one for 30 or more years.  But I think it is time.  For one thing the smart phones have good volume.  My dumb phone is barely audible and it keeps sending messages I cannot read.  I will give you an example.

I had arranged with Felipe to take me on some errands.  Actually I only needed to go to the water company, but since I pay him, I always try to add more stops.  I like to pay the water bill ahead.  This time of year, my water bill exceeds my electric bill.  Last month I gave them 1,000 pesos to cover me for 4 or 5 months.  Then this month I get a bill and there is no credit listed.  What did they do with the money?  I knew I would need Felipe not only to drive me there, but to argue with the company.  At utility companies and banks, no one speaks English.  Only at expensive restaurants and tourists shops where you do not need good Spanish anyway.  He said he would pick me up at noon.  Like many businesses they close from 2:00 to 4:00.

Now Felipe is one of the good guys, but he is Mexican and therefore has no sense on time.  Once he said he would be here at noon and arrived at 3:00.  I asked why he was so late and he said,  "Well, you said after 12:00 and it is after 12:00"  You can see what I am dealing with here.  So I always call him in the morning to find out if he has a better idea of what time he will come by.   Today  I could not get through on his cell phone or his home phone.  A recorded message came on that I did not understand.  I tried a few times, then sent a text message hoping it would get through.  I got a message back, but not from Felipe but from TelCel.  I had no idea what it said, so I took it to the man at the taco place next door.  He does speak some English as it is a taco stand and a restaurant and popular with tourists.  He told me it said I had no credit in the phone.  I knew I did, but then I remembered that TelCel has a strange quirk that you must put money in every 60 days or it will not work.  You still have your credit, you just cannot use the phone.  Carlos Slim owns the company as well as almost all the telecommunication in Mexico and I guess it insures a regular source of funds. but it is irritating.  So I added more money to the account giving me a balance of over 300 pesos.  I tried again to send a text message.

I got another message from TelCel.  This one I understood for I had seen it before.   When someone who has no credit tries to send you a  message   you are offered the option of paying an extra 2 pesos for the privilege (another Carlos Slim idea)  But doing so is not easy.  You have to push options to reply, then hold down 1 (or it comes up a ",")  then scroll down to send.  Apparently I did something wrong (who would have guessed).  Nothing happened !  I tried again and this time I got a different message from TelCel that I also could not decipher.  I took it to the taco man.  He of course has a smart phone and may not have seen a dumb phone in years and had trouble working with it.  I finally brought up the message and he said,  "you have no credit"  At this point I decided the only thing to do was to go to the shop where I bought the phone.  Unfortunately no one there speaks English either.  They may have known what the problem was, but could not explain it to me.  But there was a customer who offered to help (Mexicans are really nice)  He looked at it and said that I had tried to receive the message too many times and the message was now GONE!!

I went home to play games on my computer when the phone rang and it was Felipe.  I thought he said he was outside ( as I said, it is difficult for me to hear on that phone, especially when someone has an accent).  I told him I would be right down, locked up and rushed out the door.  There was no one waiting for me.  After 30 to 45 minutes of standing in the sun, I went back inside to try to call him.  He answered.  Apparently his car died and was in the shop and he did not know when he would get it back.  How did I think he said he was outside??  He said we would try again for Friday at noon.  We will see.

Noon on Friday came and went.  I had tried to call him, but again I could not get through on either of his phones.  One would assume that since I did not hear from him, that he would not be coming by.  But this is Mexico and you should never assume anything because most of the time you are wrong.  So  you wait.  Sure enough about 1:00 I heard someone honking and looked down into the smiling face of Felipe.  I gave him the bills and my receipt and told him he would have to speak to the water company.  I knew I was incapable of it.

The girl behind the desk studied my bills and the receipt I had for the 1,000 pesos and proclaimed, "You paid the wrong account !"  No !  I did not pay the wrong account, you did.  She wasn't sure and showed it to her supervisor.  Finally they said (in Spanish) that I would receive credit for the 1.000 pesos, but not until Monday.  Why?  Do not ask. BECAUSE IT IS MEXICO !  She wanted us to return on Monday but I did not want to waste another day or pay Felipe for another trip.  So I asked Felipe to see if we could just call and confirm the credit and I think she agreed.   In any case, I will hold on to my receipt and in two months when I get another bill, I can check to see if I got my credit.  If not, another trip to the water company.  Always something to do.  It makes my life interesting, but a little frustrating as well

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