MUERTE EN EL SECADOR (DEATH IN A DRYER)

One point I failed to make in my treatise on Summer in Vallarta, is laundry.  When you shower three times a day, you create a lot of laundry.  Besides three pair of underwear, the towels never gets dry so they get to smelling funny after a day.  So instead of doing laundry once a week, I have to do it two or three times a week.

I do not remember on this particular day how long it had been since I had last used the dryer, but it could not have been more than a few days.  Once I turned the dryer on, I knew there was a problem.  There was a loud clatter followed by a horrible smell. I do not remember if I heard anything scream (unless it was me)   I open the door and found nothing inside but wet laundry and the smell was not inside the dryer.  The smell was behind the dryer.  A cursory glace revealed nothing, but I did not want to look to hard.  There was nothing to do but finish drying the laundry, and the clatter continued.  Once done, I sniffed the laundry and did not detect any strong odor (I had added a couple more sheets of Bounce),  The underwear I put away, but decided to rewash the towels and wash cloths at a later date.

Why I did not call Saul that day, I do not know.  Then I forgot about it for a few days when again I had to do at least one load.  The smell wasn't too bad, so I threw the laundry in and turned it on.  Maggots flew out the back end with a stench that almost made me vomit.  Now, I called Saul.  He said he would be here in a few hours, but it was almost nightfall before he arrived.  Saul is very good at what he does, extremely honest and CHEAP!  But he is not fast or punctual (you can't have everything, certainly not in Mexico).  I had several small jobs besides the dryer.  He wanted to know what all of them were first.

He started with fixing two of the ceiling fans (one vibrated, one spun too slowly) repaired a lamp cord and hung a platter on the kitchen wall.  By then it was too dark to work upstairs on the deck and said he would return the following morning.  Two days later I called and he said he forgot.  This time he did arrive fairly soon along with a new assistant (he goes through a lot of them).  They pulled it away from the wall and started to take the back off.  He took apart the vent inside and sure enough there was the remains of a dead rat (along with rat turds and maggots).  I had to leave as the smell was overpowering.  Saul said he might be sick.

The assistant carefully cleaned everything inside and Saul swept everything up and took the trash out and rat out (which means dumping on the corner).  Saul then mopped the whole area.  He is very good about cleaning up after himself, but the stink remained.  I decided to pour disinfectant over the area and then hose it all down.  Later I threw the mop away.   I could still smell it.  Some odors once inhaled seem to stay in the nostrils.  Maybe little particles cling to the hairs in your nose and at my age I have a lot of hairs up there.  (Why is it that at a certain age hair stops growing on your head and instead comes out your ears and nose?)

It seemed better so I started a new laundry.  Saul recommended that I buy some rat poison.  I have no idea how he (or she) got up three stories above the ground.  It is the first rat I have seen in the four years I have been here.  I did see a tiny mouse once slip under my front door, but I stomped my foot and he ran back out to the street.   She must have crawled in the vent and started a nest in there.  I do not know if there were any baby rats inside or not.  They would have been chewed up first.   I went to Guadalajara Pharmacy, but they do not carry the package of poison pellets.  All they have are little pads of glue. I guess the idea is that the rat will cross it and get stuck.  Since I cannot read the Spanish I am not sure what you do with it afterward.  You either have a live screaming rat or a dead one.  If it happens, I will just call Saul.  I know this sounds bizarre, (my life is bizarre) but all my stories are true.  So far no trapped rats.

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VALLARTA EN VERANO

This will be my fourth summer in Puerto Vallarta.  It had been a very mild winter.  Usually I have to pull out my sweat shirts and pants.  The year before it was so cold I had to turn the oven on (with the door open).  Of course no home has any kind of heat.  This year not only did I not need my sweat suits, but never once wore a long sleeve shirt at night.  That should have made me wonder about the summer that would follow.   Everyone I know was shocked at how hot it got beginning the 1st of May.

Most of the "snow birds" leave before summer for their winter homes.  This year many of them did not make it out in time.  Friends of mine who also live half the year in Marbella Spain (an also have an apartment in London) are famous for their garden dinner parties.  During the first week of May they invited 20 people to their home for dinner in their new garden.  Last year they purchased the lot behind their mansion and installed one of the most beautiful gardens I have ever seen.  Full grown trees were brought in as well as flowering vines that climbed over eight foot walls.  That night we had our first sprinkle which just made the humidity increase.  It was so hot we were all dripping wet before the first course was served (four in help).  I felt sorriest for my hosts, but the poor ladies present suffered the most with make up running off their faces into the plates.  It was the hottest night of the year so far.  But it got hotter

It isn't really the heat that is the problem, it is the humidity.   What little rain we have had has only made it worse.  We are all praying for an early rainy season (which normally does not start until July).  Unless you have lived in a tropical climate you do not know what it is like.  You step out of a cold shower, towel off and within seconds your body is covered in sweat (not pleasant).  A friend of mine suggest I put my underwear in the freezer like Marilyn did in "Seven Year Itch".  He was probably joking, but I tried it.  I must say that it was temporarily refreshing, but I must do some planning next time.   I walked out of the bathroom and across my living room stark naked in full view of my open windows to retrieve my underwear.  Again, it is not the temperature, but the humidity which is so oppressive.   It hangs over you like a heavy shroud that saps all your energy and ambition (not that I have a lot to start with)

It was almost the end of May when we got our first good rain.  I had called a friend of mine to meet me at Bar Frida for a margarita, just to get out of my stuffy apartment (not a breeze anywhere).  Of course the conversation was mainly about how awful May had been.  As soon as I left it started to mist a little.  I peeled off my sticky clothes and laid down on my bed to finish my latest book (with the fan in my face).  I saw some lightning and heard a little thunder, but did not realize until I got up to get another beer that there was a cool breeze coming through my open window.  Immediately I went up to my deck to sit under my cabana and watch the rain pour down all around me.  Of course my street was ankle deep in water by then.  Most of it drains toward the river which is only two blocks away from me.  No rain had been predicted but why would one think that a Mexican weatherman should be more correct than ones in The States.

We had a few days respite from the heat and humidity then, the sun came back so did the humidity.  I do not know why rain would reduce the humidity.  Maybe the rain removes all the moisture from the atmosphere.  I am not a scientist (Obviously!).  Then the first week of June we had some rain (no rivers in the street) but enough to cool things down for a while.  Each night I watch dark clouds roll in a few hours before sunset that promise more rain, but they just roll right on by leaving a clear star lit sky.  Finally we got a good rain.  I was with friends of mine at Apache's when it started.  I watched the stairs at the end of the street turn into a waterfall and the street became a raging river.  I wanted to go home and get my camera but my friends who drove me there were not willing to leave.  The cobblestone streets in sandals are difficult in dry weather.  Attempting them under six inches of fast running water was not an option.  So I just ordered another drink.  It ended in about an hour and they drove me home.

The following day was warm, but tolerable.  That night we had a little rain, at least enough to cool it off so I did not need to turn on the air.  And so Summer in Vallarta will continue for another four months.  We suffer through the heat and humidity and pray for more rain.  The rain not only relieves us from the heat but does much more.  The mountains around me are already a verdant green.  The black dust which covers everything in the winter is subdued.  Most of all I love to sit and watch the rain pour around me little cabana while I have my drink and cigarettes and watch the incredible show of lightning and thunder.  Sometimes the lightning is so frequent it looks like the town is being hit by strop lights.  There is a down side to the rain.  It also brings on another batch of mosquitoes.  I have tried electric plug in, smoke bombs, creams, sprays, but they tiny bugs just love to suck my blood.  It also brought out a hoard of termites.  They circle the lights all night, then in the morning you find little wings littering the floor (which means their bodies have crawled off and are gnawing on my wood),

Why, you might ask do I endue such discomfort.  Well, I can tell you in just three little words (no make that four)  I HATE COLD MORE !

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