SEMANA SANTA

Semana Santa is probably the biggest vacation week in Mexico (at least for the coastal towns).  Mexicans flee the inland areas by the thousands for a week at the ocean.  They arrive mostly in pickup trucks with sometimes a dozen or more riding in the truck bed.  Some will even sleep on the beach or dozens will bunk down in one small hotel room.  For the young people it is sort of like Easter Week in The States (get very drunk and party, party, party).  Mostly it is the whole family.  The sand is a sea of brown bodies and colorful umbrellas for as far as the eye can see.   Local residents will normally stay home and avoid the mobs.  Even if you stay indoors you will hear them.  Cars and trucks drive up and down the streets blasting music, singing and hanging out of the car windows with cans of beer..

Of course it is also a very religious week  The bells have been ringing all week.  After a while you get sort of used to the church bells, but not the cannons.  When that thing blasts away, you will drop everything in your hands.  Some one told me that the cannons are to frighten away evil spirits and that is why they blow them off during Holidays.  Who know?  Mexican religion is a mix of Catholic, pagan, and a lot of superstitions. 
 Not only are there a lot of services in the churches, but you also have the enactment of the last days of Christ.  Beginning on Palm Sunday, you will find palm fronds everywhere.  Some people carry whole palm leaves, but most will buy little handmade things of palm leaves, like the ones entering the church.  Somewhere Christ will arrive on a donkey while people throw palm leaves in front of his procession.  I tried all day to find out where it was to take a picture.  No one I talked to seemed to know where the pageant was taking place, so I missed it.

Next day I asked my lady at the coffee shop.  She called somebody (maybe a church) and told me that it would continue on Good Friday from 10:00 to 11:00 starting at the other end of the Malecon.  I arrived early and noticed that little placards had been put up for each of the "stations of the cross"  Ten o'clock came and went and then finally I saw the Roman soldiers on horse back arriving.  Sure enough a bloody Christ was in the middle of the throng being savagely flayed.  Behind Christ were the Jewish rabbis demanding that he be put to death.  Then came all the followers, crying Marys and a few angels.  Each stop took much too long while all they did was to beat up on Jesus.

By 11:00 they had not even reached station V, so I parked myself on the terrace of a lovely cantina overlooking the Malecon.   I knew it would end at Plaza Cardenas which was at least a mile away, so I ordered a cerveca.  Jesus was having a worse day, but I knew I could not last without a little stop.  When the procession reached the amphitheater, I thought things would get more interesting, but NO!  It was just more flogging (although one of his followers was now helping to carry the cross).

After that, I walked ahead to one of my coffee houses at the Plaza Cardenas, and had time for a snack before the procession reached me.  Just as they were approaching the amphitheater, they stripped Jesus of his robe where the soldiers fought over it,.  I thought they could have chosen a slimmer Christ (I don't remember seeing a fat Jesus before). They finally strapped him to the cross (they don't really nail him to it)  By the time they hoisted him up for all to jeer at, I had been basically standing in the sun for three hours.  After he dies on the cross they take him down (the Marys do something with the body).  Then they place him on a placard and carry him out of the Plaza and up the street.  But, I saw that last year and decided I had had enough of Christ for one day.  Sorry about the photos, but it was very hard to fight through the crowds to get a good photo. 


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TELECABLE CONFUSION

In Puerto Vallarta, you actually have several choices for internet access.  I chose Telecable for they have a T.V. / Internet package.  TelMex is supposed to have a more reliable internet service, but you have to put in a land line and I did not want or need another phone.  TelMex is also owned by Carlos Slims (reputed to be the richest man in the world) who controls most of the communications in Mexico.  I did not want to make him richer.    Also Telecable has the most stations in English (if you can find them).  They do not publish any kind of T.V. guide in English or Spanish, so you have to just channel surf to find your favorite programs.  It is the most expensive utility that I have.  The bill runs about forty some dollars, which is almost  as much as all my other utility bills combined.

I was already used to Telecable when I rented this apartment.  In retrospect, I should have done the six month to one year prepaid plan.  But I had just prepaid my rent and decided to go on a month to month, but I gave them one of my credit cards so they could debit my account each month.  The Telecable office is a 20 to 30 minute bus ride and the bus does not go by it, so you have to know where to get off and walk several blocks.

About two months later, I had no internet access.  At first I thought it was just one of the many Mexican problems with internet.  After a few days, I was getting desperate.  A friend of mine told me he had the number of a Telecable service employee who was quite reliable and spoke some English.  He was here within an hour of when I called.  He played with the computer for a while, made a few calls, and then told me that the problem was that I had not paid the bill.  I told him that I had given them my credit card to debit.  He said the charge was rejected by my bank.  THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE, I said.  (Well, not in Mexico).  I was able to reach my bank in the U.S. and found that they had submitted the charge with the wrong expiration date.

I had the guy call Telecable back and tell them the correct date.  He did, and the charge went through.  Silly me, I thought the problem was solved.  NO!  Next month it went out again.  I called the same guy and sure enough, it was the same problem.  Once more I gave them the correct date and told them to make the necessary changes.  NO!  Same thing next month.  I called the guy again and asked if I should go to the office.  When he called the head office, they said that the problem was not with them, but with Guadalajara for they made the monthly charges.  Was there no way to fix this?  Apparently not.

The following month without bothering the poor guy when the internet went out again,  I took the bus to the office and demanded that they do something so I did not have to go through this every month.  The lady sort of shrugged as if to say,  "You are dealing with Mexico here, the problem is hopeless".  She suggested that I come every month with cash.  I told her that first, I did not want to take the bus there every month and since they send no bill.  I don't know when it is due, or how much is due.  She told me that I have to check their web site and put in my contract number and my account will appear.  "Why can't I pay it one line then?"  She said I could.  WHAT! WAIT!  I have been fighting this for six months and no one told me I could pay it on the net (assuming it is working).

Without waiting a month, I went to check it out.  Not easily done.  It took me sometime to find the correct site for bill paying.  Of course everything is in Spanish.  When I tried to enter my account number I found that I must register with them.   There were about a dozen questions.  I answered what I could figure out, but that was not good enough. My application was rejected.  There was however what appeared to be a comment box.  Knowing it would do no good I typed (in English) my frustration with trying to pay on line.  The most amazing thing happened!  A few days later I call a call from Telecable from a woman who spoke very good English (with a heavy accent, however).  She walked me through the entire process.  Will wonders never cease here in Mexico!

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WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT COCKS

First, let me assure you that I have never attended a cock fight, nor will I ever.  I find the whole idea to be abhorrent and disgusting.  I knew they did occur in Mexico, but really knew nothing about them.  About six months ago my friend Elvis' older brother became quite interested and traveled to Mexico City to pick up two of them at a cost of $500.00 if you can believe.  Oddly enough he is a veterinarian and owns five clinics.
 Since then Elvis has gone to several of the meets (or whatever they call them)  Apparently a lot of money is exchanged and it can cost 1,000 to 5,000 pesos just to enter your cock.  He became quite fascinated with cock fighting.

One night Elvis asked me what I knew about farms in Alabama.  I knew enough to know that I would not go near one and had a very dim opinion of Alabama.  Then is realized he was talking about farms that raised and sold cocks.  We still have a huge communication problem.  His brother told him that Alabama had the best cocks in the world.  He was very interested in getting to know more about cocks and asked me to do a computer search.  (You do know that we are talking about chickens, don't you?  GOOD!)

Well as I am typing away doing a Google search, I could not help but wonder what new wonderful spam mail would I be receiving.  I managed to find Red Fox Farms.  I guess the biggest and best cocks anywhere.  They had a very nice web site with pictures of them.  I had no idea they were so beautiful.  Some are blue and green, mixed with red and yellow.   I also learned that a pullet is a hen and a stag is a rooster,  Okay, I was a city boy and know nothing about farm animals.   The price was about half what they cost in Mexico.  While the site gave a list of "most asked questions".  Elvis wanted to know about the cost of shipping to Mexico and what, if any problems would there be with Mexican customs.  I tried to email the farm, but it would not accept my email address.  A box popped up that said I had to register my email address with them.

Some thing told me that I did not want to be registered with an Alabama Cock Farm, so I agreed to call them the following day.  One thing I was sure about;  I was not about to have them delivered to my door.  Nor would I go to Mexican customs to claim ten fighting cocks.  The next day, I reached a very sweet lady at the cock farm and told her why I was calling.  I also tried to make it clear that the cocks were not for me.  So, I was secretly pleased when she told me that they could not sends birds for fighting purposes over the state line.  I figured that most of the county would have bans against cock fighting, with the exception of a few "red neck" states in The South.  She said they could only send them in pairs "for the purpose of breeding them".  What a relief, I thought.

That night I tried to explained to Elvis the problem of shipping fighting cocks in the U.S.  I thought he would be very disappointed.  NO!  His face lit up and he was quite excited about the prospect.  He immediately called his brother and while I have no idea what the conversation was about I could tell by Elvis' animation that they were both very excited about it.  When he was off the phone,   I asked if he understood that he had to order a hen with each cock.   Did he plan on breeding them and raising the little chicks?  I asked what he expected to do with the hens.  He said,  "We will eat them!"  That would certainly be the most expensive chicken dinner anyone had ever had.

The next day, he had a new plan.  He had a friend at the border in Tijuana that "might" be able to sneak them across the border.  This certainly signaled danger in my view and I once again had to explain that the problem was that fighting cocks cannot be sent across the Alabama border so there was no way to get them to California.  He did not want to give up. Fortunately, his brother proved to have the cooler head and put the kibosh on the whole plan.  He did not want the hens and had no desire to raise chicks.  What a relief, I thought.  Can't wait to hear his next plan.


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NEW LEASE (ON LIFE) IN MEXICO

You may recall that six months ago, I was so desperate to get out of the "Little House of Horrors" that I agreed to pay seven months rent for a six month lease.  If that wasn't stupid enough, I decided to spent a small fortune on the apartment to make it into what I wanted and 'would feel comfortable in'.  I justified it in my own mind because the rent was cheap (less than $400 a month.   I do absolutely love my new place and was optimistic that somehow it would all work out just fine.  I know, someone brighter than I should have reminded me that I am now living in Mexico where almost nothing goes according to plan.

So, after five months I contacted my Realtor and told him I wanted to get going on a new lease.  I felt that since I was the 'perfect' tenant and had not only paid in advance, but I have prepaid almost all the utility bills as well, so they should be happy to have me stay here.  Of course the lawyer for the landlord never returned any of my Realtors calls.  In desperation, I went back to the Sporting Goods Store (also owned by the same family) where I had met the lawyer and signed the first lease.  To my delight there was a very nice guy behind the counter who spoke perfect English.  The lawyer does not speak a word of English (at least he refuses to converse in English)  The guy then informed me that he was the landlord's nephew who would be moving in next door to me.  The apartment has been under construction (off and on) since before I moved in here.

He immediately called the lawyer and explained that I was prepared to pay two months 'up front" plus the one months security deposit, but wanted at least a one year lease.  He said in that case, he would only give me a three month lease.  Finally it was agreed that I would pay six months again, but I would get a one year lease.  At least that is what I think was agreed upon.  I explained that since I can only take so much out of the bank in one day that it would take me three days to get the money together.  He said he would meet me the following Monday morning with the new lease.

I ran right off to the bank to start withdrawing the money.  I was already in the ATM booth when I discovered that I did not have my ATM card with me.  I always carried in inside the copies of all my identification in my back pocket.  Since I had just drawn money out there days before, I was sure it must be some where in my apartment.  It was not!  It was not where I stash extra cash.  It was not in the pants I had been wearing.  It was not in the washing machine or the dryer,  I do not know if the machine did not return the card right away (it beeps loudly when it does) or if some how I dropped it or it fell out of my pocket.
 It was just gone.  First I checked my bank account on the internet and fortunately no transactions had been made since my own withdrawal.

I then called my bank.  Or rather I called the automated phone line bank.  I could not believe how hard it was to report a stolen card.  I understand that on the back of the card there is a number to report stolen cards, but since the card was gone I did not have that number.  (Who writes down such numbers, certainly not I).  So I had to call what is laughingly called "customer service".  Even after I managed to report the lost or stolen card, I still did not get a live person.   After a long pause a voice came on to say that a new card was being mailed to my address.  " BUT I AM NOT IN THE U.S", I screamed.  After a good long time of yelling into the phone I did get a real person.  I explained to her that I was in Mexico and a card sent to my U.S. address would do me no good.  She managed to cancel that request and ordered one sent to my apartment in Mexico.  She had no idea how long it would take, but it would go out FedEx.  I asked for a FedEx number, but she said that she did not have it and to call back the following day.

The following day was a Saturday when I discovered that nothing would be done until Monday.  I finally did get a FedEx number and by tracking it on my computer found that it had been sent and would be delivered on Thursday.  Not soon enough, but what can you do.  On Wednesday morning I found that it had already arrived in Puerto Vallarta, so hoping that it would be delivered that afternoon.   I went to the Sporting Goods Store and told him that I would have the cash (pesos) by Friday and to please arrange for the lawyer to have the lease ready for me.  I did also stop for my morning latte and sure enough when I got back, there was a tag on the door that said the FedEx man had been here ten minutes before I got home.

On the slip of paper they had checked a box that (in Spanish) said to call to arrange another delivery.  You won't believe this unless you have lived in Mexico, but THERE IS NO TELEPHONE NUMBER on the tag.
I called my friend who speaks perfect English and Spanish.  He called somewhere and they told him that it would be delivered to me the following day.  NO time given.

In the meanwhile, I had received several email messages from my Realtor.  I told him that I had arranged in ten minutes what he had not been able to do in a month.  He wanted to be there anyway "for my protection"  I told him that until I get my ATM card, it is all on hold.  When I did speak to the guy at the Sporting Goods Store, I told him that my Realtor wanted to be there and to ask the lawyer about that.  He told me that he was sure that the Realtor would want a commission for the new lease and if so, I would have to pay it in addition to my six months rent.  Since my Realtor had not only not been able to get me a better deal on the first lease, and never gave me a translated copy of the first lease (as promised),  I decided I did not need him.

The next morning, I not only did not leave the apartment, but left the door on the street wide open.  I had yet to cancel bridge with my partner, hoping that it would arrive at about the same time as the previous day.  Again assuming the Mexican FedEx would have a delivery plan.  If all else failed, my friend who spoke to some one at FedEx said that I could claim it between 7:00 and 8:00 at night.  The trucks would return at seven and the office closed at eight.

While I was waiting, my friend who is visiting from Minnesota arrived at my door to see my apartment.  I had him watch the door while I shaved and showered.  He had no sooner left when my Realtor appeared at my door.  I explained to him my problem with FedEx.  He too was surprised that there was no number on the slip, so he called Mexican information.  The only listing they had was a FedEx in Guadalajara.  He called them and they told him that my parcel was at the Puerto Vallarta FedEx office and if it was not picked up by tomorrow, they would send it back to the U.S!

He said he knew where the office was, so the two of us jumped in a taxi and took off.  It is a good thing I had him with me for the taxi driver had no idea where the office was (this is not uncommon with taxi drivers in Mexico).  After an interminable wait at the office, the girl returned from the back room to say that my parcel was on the truck and he would be at my home in 15 minutes.  We hurried back by taxi (taking the last 50 pesos I had to my name) and sure enough in less than 5 minutes the man arrived.  Not in a brown FedEx truck, but in a blue and white "Multipax" truck.  The FedEx office here is listed only under "Multipax"  (who would know?), 

My Realtor then informed me that he had indeed spoken to the lawyer and we would "all" meet at the Sporting Goods store at ten tomorrow morning.  I ran to the bank and drew out my maximum and planned to go back early the next day, but that still left me 2,000 pesos short (assuming I did not have to come up with the extra for commission)  At this point, I figured that out later.  I called my friend here and he agreed to loan me the extra until I could get to the bank on Saturday for another withdrawal.

The lawyer took care of the Realtor by telling him that we did not need him and there would be on commission.  I was early, the lawyer was late.  He had the lease all typed out except he said that it was only for 6 months.  He still does not trust me.  I did get it for the same cheap rent, so I figured, what the Hell.
Of course I still could not read it, but I did look at dates.  The original lease was written one week before I signed it and before I got the key.  Sure enough I am shorted one week again.  But I also noticed that it looked like it expired in three months.  "Oh, so sorry, I make mistake".  I waited for him to rewrite that page, gave him the six months rent, got a receipt.  He then had to take it to the landlady for her signature, so I told him I would be back later,

The final copy was there, all signed by the landlady, lawyer and one witness (God knows who!)  So for the next six months I am safe and I won't owe any rent.  What a relief!   In September he said it would go up 500 pesos (about $40.00).  Not much, but I can fight that another day.  Tonight I get drunk!


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